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Just · a · Bunch · of · Words
Trying to Balance Wisdom and Compassion
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My Grandmother had her dog put to sleep today. He was old and had been in poor health for quite a while. He had also been my Grandmother's greatest companion, during most days of the week, since my Grandfather's death in 2001. Now, probably for the first time in her life, she has no one to wake up with. What do you do, when you can't do anything? In the next town, my cousin is drinking himself to death. He has been a victim of alcoholism for years, and now he is struggling for his life. No one can convince him to put the bottles down, for it is a decision he has to pursue for himself. Now, he lies between rock bottom and an untimely death, and it's he who holds the deciding vote. What do you do, when you can't do anything? ...
heart and soul: |
 worried | |
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R.I.P
Goldie <3
August 28, 2003 - July 16, 2006
You were a good pet
and a good friend
heart and soul: |
 okay |
entertainment: |
michelle branch~ goodbye to you | |
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July 5, 2006 approximately 3:05 pm a bench on Mackinac Island He asked I said yes! no plans yet =)
heart and soul: |
 happy | |
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it's been a while. almost two months. not much to say. i graduated college. that's about it. now i am getting rather stir-crazy. it is my own fault though. conciseness is grand. i used post billowy entries. that seems to have passed now. maybe it will come back someday. or maybe i'll stop posting altogether. i don't know why i am updating now. i guess i just felt like writing. if you can call this writing. i have a lot of things i need to do. i just can't seem to find the motivation. oh well. i've been having weird dreams lately. it's like my head is trying to fix things in my sleep. i think it is just making me more crazy. babycakes is starting to get teeth. my sister is building a house. i am pretty much standing still. i guess i better start moving.... maybe later. goodnight, moon.
heart and soul: |
tired |
entertainment: |
polaris ~ jimmy eat world | |
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If Stephen had really been there, the WHCA would have said so...Or at least the liberal media would have mentioned it. If anyone tells you that they witnessed saw Stephen at the dinner, don't listen to them. They are just zealous liberals who are trying to dis-honor the good name of King George President Bush. For truthiness. Enough about that. I had a wonderful time in Whitehall this weekend with beautiful Joseph VanDerStelt. Of course, how could I not have a wonderful time when I am with the love of my life. It was really great to get to know his family better and to meet his sister, too. Visiting them helped me understand a lot. This is the last week of my college career (or at least my undergraduate-college career, assuming that I decide to go to grad-school some day). I should be studying for my finals right now, but procrastination is what I do best. Things are going to be so different after this. Crazy. Aight, I really should go. Have a beautiful day, friends =)
heart and soul: |
 anti-worky | |
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Happy Birthday, Joe =)
I love you. |
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I feel like running away today. If only I could... Damn those seemingly-obligatory ties that are really no more than clinging illusions. Oh well. Thus is life. I have to go study now...
heart and soul: |
 cynical |
entertainment: |
Matt Nathanson ~ Maid | |
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Happy 21st Birthday, Andrea!!!!!! Looking forward to the Brass on Tuesday =) |
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I could use a good thunderstorm right now; the feeling of the air thickening around me in a buzz of energy; the tingling of the nape of my neck as streaks of light momentarily stain the sky; the rushing of adrenaline as it plays companion to a unique roar of the raging atmosphere. But the night air does not bear the essence that I desire and I must wait for nature to make its beautiful disclosure to me. As for now, I shall go on being, completely aware that nature's revelation is without absence.
heart and soul: |
stuffy |
entertainment: |
Jimmy Eat World ~ 23 | |
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Smokey the Bear SutraI'm working on a paper right now, for my sociology class, and it has made me realize how little I really know about my family's history. I don't even know how my parents met, and as irrelevant as that is to the present condition of the world, I can't help but wonder... If I were able to answer that question, would things be different between me and my father? What else should I be? All apologies.I miss my darling Joseph. I am so blessed to know him as I do; as the beautiful man he is; as the amazing friend he is; as the loving home he is. I suppose that I have taken a long enough break from my paper. So, until we meet again, my friends, I bid you adieu.
heart and soul: |
worky-ish |
entertainment: |
nirvana ~ all apologies | |
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The Waitresses The waitresses
At the restaurant
Have to keep reminding
The schizophrenic man
That if he keeps acting
Like a schizophrenic man
They'll have to ask him to leave the restaurant.
But he keeps forgetting that he's a schizophrenic man,
So they have to keep reminding him. "The Waitresses" by Matt Cook from Eavesdrop Soup. © Manic D Press
heart and soul: |
good |
entertainment: |
remy zero ~ fair | |
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 it is a beautiful day. the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the squirrels are frolicking, the carwash is clamoring...er....yeah. in spite of the clamoring carwash right outside my window, it is a beautiful day.
heart and soul: |
happy |
entertainment: |
third eye blind | |
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take a sociology class, and it will make you think about so much. my intro to sociology class makes me think about power and control; influence and coercion; love and hate; life and death; progression and regression; acceptance and dissidence; order and conflict. it will make you think about the most obscure matters in new perspectives. the only thing that makes me think about these things even more, is my buddhism class. i've been thinking about conflict a lot lately. the conflict between the east and the west; the conflict between the poor and the rich; the conflict between ignorance and wisdom; even the conflict that i have seen, at times, between my heart and my mind; along with all of the conflicts existing in the things that i mentioned above. there are so many factors that go into conflict, is it even possible for the world to overcome? i think that what it all boils down to, is a lack of understanding. of course, even that is complicated. misunderstanding can be the result of a lack of interest, a lack of effort, a lack of common symbols, a lack of perspective, or the lack of truth. take, for example, when the media tells it's society about hundreds of babies being thrown out of incubators, by invaders, in a state of war. when in fact, the media purposely conjured up the whole story as a PR stunt. or, how about, when a Tibetan buddhist is beaten and thrown into prison for having a picture of the Dalai Lama, because the chinese government doesn't realize that the Dalai Lama is a religious leader before he is the political leader of Tibet. i could go on and on about the conflict in the world, but i'm sure that you could too. i guess, i just wish that people would take the time to understand others. to understand different perspectives. to overcome the ethnocentric attitudes that create ignorance. to overcome the conflicts that harm the world. then again, maybe i am just talking crazy talk...
heart and soul: |
 contemplative |
entertainment: |
music on NPR | |
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Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Birthday
Jenna Brown! =) I hope that you have an absolutely beautiful day filled with love and laughter. Oh, and Happy Fat Tuesday, and Happy One-Week-Until-You-Get-To-See-Your-Boy Day!! =)
heart and soul: |
happy | |
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this morning, on my way to class (9 o'clock) it felt like it was spring. the sun was out, birds were singing, and the frost on my car windows was already starting to melt away. after my first class was over (10:45), i headed into my next classroom. upon seeing the open blinds in the room, i also saw these huge, and i mean *huge*, snowflakes coming down like none other. i don't know when it had started snowing, but it stopped before that class was over. The clouds persisted through my next class, and on the walk back to my car (1:45) it felt like it was fall. and now, the sun is out again. obviously this isn't a very meaningful update, but i don't have one of those right now. besides, i really should get to all of the stuff that i am planning to get done today. so long, my friends.
heart and soul: |
okay |
entertainment: |
dashboard | |
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it's thundering =)..... and sleeting =(.... |
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There is so much to be understood. There is so much that does not need to be understood. If you can't tell, I've been doing some reading for my Buddhist traditions class. I have a lot of stuff to learn. I have even more stuff to realize. I am looking forward to doing both. I think that my tuesday/thursday classes this semester are going to give me a lot to think about, and I hope that I am ready for that challenge. It has been a long time since I have had a class that has caught my interest while challenging my mind, and now I find myself having three such classes, all in a row. My mind is severely out of shape, so hopefully these classes won't bring too much hardship, not that hardship can't be handled... I should get back to my reading now. "To be is to inter-be; we cannot just be by ourselves alone. We cannot but inter-be with everything, non-us things. We are inevitably vast; we include all that is other than ourselves."
heart and soul: |
contemplative |
entertainment: |
the sound of the sun...think on that | |
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there were several times, in the past month, when i thought about making a post, but as you all know, a post never did materialize. i didn't even make a holiday greetings post or a year-in-review post. i guess that i have just fallen away from the fad that is livejournal. and now, i don't really feel like doing a long, run-down post about what i've been up to in the past month, so just know that everything has been pretty good. Joe is still (and always will be) absolutely amazing. Babycakes is still a sweet, beautiful baby. And I am still procrastinating like it's my job. There is so much that i feel like i should say, and yet so little motivation to say it. tomorrow is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. tomorrow is also the 16th, which means that Joe and I have been together for 3 months. i can't express enough, how lucky i am to know Joe as i do, and to be known by him as i am. i have learned so much from him in the past 3 months and i know that i will continue to learn so much more from him as time goes on. i look forward to that. i turn 22 on tuesday, but i am rather indifferent about that. i do have great friends though, and they should be mentioned as being great. so, thanks for being so great, all of my friends. ok, i think i am off to bed now. goodnight.
heart and soul: |
tired |
entertainment: |
i haven't been doing much music lately....hmm... | |
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good thing it's finals week and i have so much spare time. Post 5 WEIRD and RANDOM facts about yourself, then at the end of the list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. Also leave a comment on their lj to let them know.
- i just made Jenna's dinner (macaroni and cheese) and i enjoyed making it for her =)
- i really enjoy welding, grinding, and shaping metal into artwork; it's just so amazing to be in the middle of flying sparks or to be able to bend metal just by using a vice and a little bit of arm muscle.
- i've always wanted to be italian.
- math was always my favorite subject when i was in school and i've missed it a lot since i've been in college. i actually remember being excited when i learned how to do long division.
- i can sing the entire song "motorcycle drive-by" by third eye blind without hearing it or looking at the lyrics
Name 5 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not use things that someone else has already used. Be as descriptive as possible.
- taking walks in downtown tc and ending up on the boat-docks, watching the sun set
- laying outside, on a clear summer's night, just watching the stars and talking for hours , about anything, everything or nothing at all
- spending hours at a time looking through antique shops and just feeling the history that's contained within them
- smiling at strangers as i pass by them and having them smile back. "i just like to smile. smiling's my favorite"
- thinking about the people that i love and knowing that i am very lucky to have them in my life
i'm just going to tag five people, and they can pick which one they want to fill out (or they can fill out both if they want =)): Rachel, Joe, Andrea, Debbie and Nate
heart and soul: |
happy |
entertainment: |
the graduate is on! | |
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my semester is basically done. all that i have left:
- 3 classes tomorrow
- 1 final tomorrow
- shop clean-up next wednesday
- 1 final next thursday
that's it. then there will only be one semester of my college career left. i don't feel like dwelling on this fact right now though, so i won't. we had our final project critique today, in my sculpture class. my professor suggested that i submit my piece into the student show. it kind of caught me off guard. i don't really know much about the student show, but i might look into it. i miss Joe. i get to see him on friday. and i get to talk to him on the phone in an hour or so. but i miss him nonetheless. i got an email from my dad today. this is exactly what it said: Hi Becca! Let me know if you get this.
I love you,
Dadi thought about what i wanted to say in a reply, but none of those thoughts actually made it onto the computer screen. i bought seven boxes of pasta tonight. it was on sale, at meijer, for fifty-nine cents a box, so why not stock-pile it? i need to find something productive to do. or something else unproductive to do. this just isn't doing much for my boredom right now. for some reason, i'm feeling kind of mopey all of a sudden. i'll blame that on jimmy eat world. so long, my friends.
heart and soul: |
bored |
entertainment: |
drugs or me~ jimmy eat world | |
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i had the strangest dream this morning. |
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sometimes....sometimes....yeah.... it needs to be saturday.
heart and soul: |
tired |
entertainment: |
the ticking of the clock | |
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it's half-past nine. i don't have class until eleven. i've already: showered and dressed
applied eye make-up
packed up my things for home
made coffee
drank two cups of it
carried my things to my car
laughed with Jenna
made my bed
burned a cd
smiled while saying "goodmorning"
thought about babycakes
listened to half of "in your honor"
smiled because of you =) just four and a half hours until i get to leave for home....
heart and soul: |
 awake |
entertainment: |
in your honor~ foo fighters | |
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the year is counting down. of course, the year never does count up... i get to see babycakes tomorrow night =) this makes me smile. Joe is coming to meet my family on saturday. this makes me smile, too (it makes me a little nervous, at the same time, but it makes me smile more). i can't wait to see the Christmas lights in downtown traverse city. i love downtown. i love Christmas lights. and i will get to share these things with wonderful people this weekend. more smiling. i hope that the drive home is in good weather. i hope that the drive back is in good weather as well. yeah... *smile*
heart and soul: |
happy |
entertainment: |
third eye blind | |
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It's been a very long while since I have made a real post. I'm not even sure that I remember how to make a real post, but I will do my best. Oh, where to begin, where to begin. I guess that I could begin a month ago, or I could even begin a month before that. But I'm not sure that I want to start at either of those places. There are too many things that I wouldn't get right if I started there; too much has happened, in those two months past, that I want to keep all for myself. So, I guess, the only logical place for me to begin is today, November 16, 2005. The calendar proclaims that the moon will be full tonight; meteorologists say that flurries will be here today; my heart whispers that I am the luckiest. It's been exactly a month, to date, since Joe and I have been together. Most of you don't know Joe, so this is the point where I should tell you all about him, but I'm not going to. I should tell you how absolutely amazing, considerate, caring, beautiful, compassionate, kind-hearted, funny, serious, thoughtful, selfless, and understanding (I could go on) he is, but even these words do not do him justice. So, instead, I will tell you that he makes me smile; he makes me think more deeply; he gives me courage to face my fears; he inspires me to be a better person; he accepts my flaws and failures; he believes in me when I don't believe in myself; he laughs with me and cries with me; he understands me. That is all that I am going to give you now. I've probably said too much, even though you may think that I've said too little. The truth is, I've said more than I had expected to.
heart and soul: |
euphoric |
entertainment: |
death cab for cutie | |
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Happy 21st Birthday,
Rachel-ly Green!!! i hope that you have a beautiful day, dude. heart ya always and forever =) <3 Becca-ly |
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it's about that time of year again...how time has flown. anyway, here it is, in its third year recitation: A Fall BabblingI love the feeling that is in the air of early autumn, when the leaves transform into brilliant splashes of color against a blue backdrop. The air gets that sweet, musky smell, as the leaves change, that seems to say, "The glory of the fall is upon us." But, all too soon, the frost comes, and the brilliant colors that once graced the branches of the world fade into bleakness, despite all efforts of the fall to overcome winter's icy grip. The fall knows it has no chance to defeat the winter, but it still fights none the less, fights with all it has, even as it watches its once magnificent leaves darken and descend to their final place of rest. Snow quickly comes, then, and buries the last signs that fall had ever truly existed. But the glory of the fall is not completely lost, for it had existed, and will live on through the memories of all who love, as I do, the feeling that early autumn brings.i had to go searching through my archives to find this again. it was really interesting to read through some of my old posts. i have changed sooo much since then. i hadn't really realized how drastic that change has been until i was face to face with some of my old thoughts and ideas. it's funny though, because in some of those old posts i don't even recognize who i was when i wrote them, and yet, in others, i can still see my reflection so clearly. there were times when i think i wrote more for others than for myself. i don't mean that in a literal sense, the words i used weren't necessarily written for others, it was more like the idea behind the words that was meant for them. i guess, what i mean is, i was writing so that maybe my words would become truth, and it was that truth that was meant for others. it was the truth that others wanted. it was the truth that i wanted to believe in order to please them. things don't work like that though. so, i've gone a lot deeper than i was expecting to tonight. the mood has fallen (pun slightly intended) away from my love for fall. so, yeah... fall = beautiful that is my truth. goodnight, my friends.
heart and soul: |
thoughtful |
entertainment: |
himerus and eros~ the spill canvas | |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR ELIZABETH
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! i hope that you have a beautiful day, Elizabeth =) <3 me |
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